Ochone

Thanks for the responses to “The Thrill Is Gone”, public & private.  You are helping me to define what I’m doing here on Blahg.  When I’m working on a new phase, a new direction, I think about, research and discard all sorts of possibilities, and the situations that excite me in some way are the ones I tend to go for. 

This is true with my art as well as my life; and it’s true when I’m responding to other folks’ art or writing as well. I seek the deep gut reaction, the thing that moves me powerfully by reaching far beyond the confines of words.  I want poetry at every level.  All else is surface, mundane, the best of it merely cleverness.

Some fascinating, exciting possibilities have appeared, tiny right now but visible on the horizon. I don’t want to write about them yet because of the few readers I cannot trust at all.

*** 

I started to write this post two days ago while enmeshed in time-wasting, pathetically petty e-mail bickering with one such person.  I’ve deleted the rest of what I had been trying to say. 

I’ll be in Scotland very, very soon.  2008 is one of the strangest personal years on record for me; it’s extremely bitter and sweet by turns, a bipolar intensity of highs and lows.  Right now, I’m experiencing the best and the worst, simultaneously. 

***

Today, I’m being moved powerfully, but in a very sad, gut-wrenching way.  I’ve got to say goodbye to my wee beastie, Face.  And I’ll have to do it, be her Kevorkian.  It’s become quite clear over the past two days that it’s time, that she’s suffering, but that doesn’t make it any less awful.  She’s been with me for well over sixteen years, my constant companion. She’s the Best Dog I have ever known. 

I will stay with her till the end.

***

And then, I will come back here and plant things, I will propagate life.

And then, I escape for a time, to heal, to connect with and nurture my own roots.  They’re Face’s roots too; I’ll take her huge spirit with me and we’ll once again run free on the hills, near the sea.

 

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6 thoughts on “Ochone

  1. Oh, so sad! I was just out to dinner tonight w/a friend who has a dog, and we were talking about how the differences b/t life with and w/o pets. I asked her how she imagines life w/her dog would be and she said probably freer, but not so FULL. I talked about my high school orchestra teacher’s two wild dogs, one passing earlier, and then Will passing much later after he mellowed out a lot. I thought about how she knew his time was coming so she made sure that they had a great last summer together. Makes me happy that you were able to have home time w/Face even in the midst of all the difficulties of this year. You’re lucky to have had such a wonderful Best Dog in this lifetime, and she’s lucky to have you as a companion to the very end.

  2. I’m sorry… I got down on the floor with my best dog friend Bruno and rubbed his soft beagle ears for an extra minute or two in honor of Face.

  3. And she’s beautiful. So sorry. Been down that road with my Best Ever so know how it feels. Big hug to you.

  4. Thanks. everyone. She was already old in the photo, about 14 or 15; she lived well into her 18th year, which is really, really old for a border collie.

  5. O dear. Poor Face, poor you. I haven’t had to put a pet to sleep yet, hope I never have to.

    Sounds like yr living on the razor’s edge between this good and bad stuff. Seems like a rich time.

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