Shot one year ago today, at Ragdale.
It’s a lovely Saturday outside, and it looked lovely yesterday, too. I’ve been stuck indoors, mostly on the computers, for about 48 hours so far: catching up on the week’s work e-mail, jurying a show (a rather difficult process this time around), setting things up to save my Monday class after another e-mail snafu almost blew it, writing descriptions for things far in the future that still have close deadlines, taking care of 50,000 other nagging mundane tasks, and when I can’t stand sitting down any longer, trying to decide what to take to Virginia and how in the hell I might pack it when I do that tomorrow. And, still coughing and fighting my own moods, struggling mightily to stay in the now.
While 2008 was The year Of The Weird, 2009 so far is really the most difficult personal year since my nasty divorce in the early 1990s; though my troubles are not relationship-based, the turmoil is similar. I keep thinking about that time, about last year, and lately, I’ve uneasily remembering the first Saturn return, which I believe is supposed to happen around the time we’re 30. There was one hell of a lot of upheaval in my life at that time.
I need to keep reminding myself: the art stayed paramount throughout; it and I not only survived the early nineties and the Saturn return, both my art and I became stronger. I need to remember that while I also wonder where I’ll be and what I’ll be doing this time next year, or in three years, at the end of return #2. What will happen will happen, regardless…and for now, Paul is cooking dinner on the grill, a sure sign of spring.