Trusting, reading (and melting)

aaabetween

Dividing line between spring and winter.

In addition to seeing Aimee at her Wednesday lecture, I’m truly looking forward to finally beginning physical therapy on Friday (the 13th, ha) for a problem that all but immobilized me eight weeks ago. I’m so grateful for having found such a wonderful massage therapy clinic nearby, or I would be even further behind than I am now. (I’m also pissed off because such effective care is not covered by our ‘health insurance’, but that’s another story.)

I’ve benefitted greatly from body work during much of my later adult life, but it had been seven years since I had had a massage of any kind. I still remember my very first session, a gift from a friend. For someone whose history contained physical abuse, it was a daunting, vulnerable moment. The therapist was great, though. At one point, she asked me to relax my legs. I didn’t know what she meant. She tried to show me how, by having me actively resist pressure on my arm, and then feel the difference when I let go. But I could not do it with my legs. She said, “This tells me you do not trust people. You are always ready to run.” That was spot-on, and rather profound for me.   A later therapist would say, “Let me drive!” Sometimes individual muscles would fight back, seemingly on their own. But I also had some incredible – not only physical – experiences during sessions over the years. But those, too, are another story. My point is that you have to collaborate with the therapist by giving your trust, surrendering to those skilled, knowledgeable hands. When you do, you can heal much more than you realize; it’s not just the muscles and knots that are being released, it’s what they hold.

aapuddle

It’s not too huge a leap, in my opinion, to suggest that that type of trust might be employed when encountering artwork. A good dose of open-minded curiosity helps, too: where might this work take me if I let go and simply engage with it? I was truly, truly pleased to read this excellent review of Manifest, O by Heather Doyle-Maier, who did just that (and I am very grateful to Alicia Bailey at Abecedarian for inviting her to do so.)

Manifest, O has been out in the world for nearly ten years now; early on, I tried a few times to get funding to edition a version of it. The feedback from the juries was always a variation of the fact that it failed to ‘explain’ deafness. (On whose terms?) People suggested adding a colophon which included instructions on how to read. I couldn’t do that, so it’s remained a unique work. Reading this review, by someone who was willing to wholeheartedly experience the work and articulate her engagement, feels wonderful: not simply a vindication, but a confirmation of my faith in the reader / viewer. In nice a bit of serendipity, I read a post today by critic Jerry Saltz, who is calling for a moratorium limiting museum wall labels to three inches or less. He writes, “Long labels like these are a triumph of pedagogy over the object, a breaking of faith with art and its audiences.”  Amen.

aagreysnogo

Plus: The sn*w is melting! The sn*w is melting! And Chance walked the entire block with me today for the very first time, and ignored two bicyclists. I’m so ready to trust myself to spring.

aaagreen

Something green in the newly-revealed garden!

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